Most bloggers likely will share stories about how amazing their love life and marriage has been after weight loss, and while that is all true, I am writing this with full transparency. Navigating love and marriage during and after weight loss is hard. My husband and I have to work very hard to maintain our relationship and show each other love and support in a whole new way after I lost 175 pounds, naturally with diet and exercise.
As I worked hard to change my life, and as I continue to strive towards better things, I am moving quickly and changing drastically. Not just my body has changed, but the way I think and feel about myself, the world, and everything around me. I am not the same 22 year old fat girl that he met so long ago. I'm not even the same young mom who loved baking cookies and watching TV, with no concern for healthy living. Now I am someone stronger and more confident. Adjusting to all these sudden changes takes a lot of effort and communication.
My husband fully supports me and wants the best for me; he is very proud of me and thankful for everything I have done for myself. However, there have been times where he has felt left behind as I strive for things that I never wanted before.
Before I started my weight loss journey I had a low self esteem and I was the type of mom who put everyone's needs before her own. When I finally learned to love myself, I may have taken the self love a little too far at first. I was so invested in taking care of myself, for the first time, that I did not involve my husband the way I should have. He was rightfully hurt that I was setting goals and making plans for my future that did not involve him.
Now my husband, Johnny, understands that it was not my intention to shut him out, and I didn't do it because I don't care about him or love him. I did it because I was on a path to self discovery, that was a difficult and sometimes scary process. Even though he has been my partner for 15 years, he has never experienced what it's like to be morbidly obese, so he can't fully relate to what it's like to have your body change so dramatically as a result of consistent work and determination.
Moving forward, Johnny and I are making plans and setting goals together. We take the time to talk to each other about our plans, hike together, cook healthy food together, and stay committed to each other. Next week we decided to have a "date night in" and make vision boards together. I am so excited for that!
Life has blessed me with a good man who is handsome, loving, loyal and hard working. He has always had a passion for fitness, even when I watched him do sit ups while eating ice cream on the couch (yes that literally happened multiple times). He's put up with all my bullshit and my breakdowns, he supported me when I lost my job, and has always been a good father to our children. We have been there for each other through so much- losing our home, him almost losing his life, the ups and downs of parenthood, loss of loved ones, and financial stress that had us very nearly homeless.
Feeling insecure is very common for a spouse when their partner loses so much weight. I understand that now. I wish I had spent more time showing him appreciation and understanding, rather than feeling frustrated that he, even briefly, felt anything but excitement for the new life we can share together.
If you are someone who is loving yourself for the first time, I hope you will learn from my mistake and not forget to love the people who support you the most while you are going through the process of self discovery. If you work together and communicate, the life you live together will be so much happier!